Is this a good poem?

Sun Fei · Post by **Sun Fei** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 3:06 am

This world is &*$& badly,
You were hurt sadly,
Thrown in that closet of hell,
With all tht fear you can tell,
With disregard they broke you down,
Till you could wear nothing but a frown,
They called you a slut they called you a whore,
With all those words your heart tore,
And you never told anyone,
Even after all they had done,
Cause of the fear for your sister,
Tht they might try and hurt her,
Now your mind is clouded with all tht fear,
And you still manage to hide your tears?,
You dont think it but you a pure soul,
Though they put your mind in a hell hole,
But now im here,
To take all the fear and all the tears,
Dont worry baby im here for you,
There aint nothing those guys can do!

I wrote this poem in about 15 minutes about my gurlfriend. I was curious how many plp might like it?

Kain · Post by **Kain** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 3:15 am

I like it, its great.

Do you like mine?

Why do you love me;
What have I ever done?
What have I ever said to you
That told you I was the one?

What is it about me
That makes you want me so much?
Is it the words I speak,
Or is it in my touch?

Why do you love me
When I act the way I do?
Why would you wanna stick around...
Is it because I love you too?

Sun Fei · Post by **Sun Fei** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 6:39 pm

Dang man now tht is tight. I love tht poem. I should steal it....lol j/k It dont feel right to me unless I write the poem myself.

Kain · Post by **Kain** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 6:42 pm

You could take it, I wouldnt mind.

Now, on to your poem, its really sympethic. Are you gonna give it to your girlfriend?

Sun Fei · Post by **Sun Fei** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 6:53 pm

Oh no no no!!! Hell no! I love her to much. Tht poems describe what goes through my head quite often. But I love her so much I cant give her tht poem. If I was to it would bring bak way to many bad memorys of hers.

Bourne · Post by **Bourne** » Thu Jun 23, 2005 7:39 pm

Dude both are great. Well done man.

Tom · Post by **Tom** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 6:53 am

Not bad... not bad at all. I want to know who voted no though!

fallen_saint · Post by **fallen_saint** » Sun Jun 26, 2005 2:26 pm

i voted no, the poem, lacks a voice behind the words and i think you could've done better without rhyming or trying too, and the worst is the color of the font

I see potential there though

Zhu Wenshao · Post by **Zhu Wenshao** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 1:26 am

If I were your girlfriend and you gave me that, I'd probably laugh at you. I think it was pretty poor.

Sun Fei · Post by **Sun Fei** » Mon Jun 27, 2005 2:19 am

This was not meant to be given to her. The poemz I write for her to read are much better. I was just randomly writing it and askin' your opinionz but dang while some of you coool bout it the rest you pretty dang harsh.

(I sound stupid or southern or w/e but im tryin' to subituet most the cuss wordz I normally use for otherz so I dont get banned)