The Poetry Thread!

[Xiang Zhuang]

Rather than have miscellaneous new threads popping up everytime someone wants advice on a poem, here's a place where you can just post one and get some comments, if people want to give them. I'm not a big fan of polls myself; my experience from other writing sites is that people like to hammer you with low ratings then run away.

Anyways, here is a poem I wrote about 3 years ago or so. Just throwing it out here so that I don't make a thread that no one ever responds to No worries, I just about gave up writing poetry when I joined sims, so I'm not too proud of what I do.

A Fading Dream

I still recall the way I worried
And all the hope that I had
But now my visions are getting blurry
And I fear my mind’s going mad
I never doubted for a second
That we had a certain something
But really, I never could have reckoned
That I would end up with nothing
For all the feelings I was showing
This was all that I wanted
And I sat there, never knowing
All my hopes would be daunted
But still, the thought of you
Makes me feel so serene
There’s not much I can do
It’s all just a fading dream

[Energetic Lemur]

There once was an internet sim
which was created by a man named Kym
You spilt chinese blood.
And it was rather good.
(although this user is rather dim)

Thank you, thank you very much.

Heres a link to the worst poetry ever!
http://www.alanpeat.com/poems.html

[dark dust]

http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1705491

I think that was one of my better poem/song lyrics. I wanted to come up with something orginal for this thread but I've had writer's block as of late. Oh well. If you want to waste time, go read some of my stuff! Give me reviews, I don't care if they're bad. I'm just lonely and want to hear feedback.

[Sun Fei]

8/23/2005:

Gurl you broke me down,
F*ck all you saw me with was a frown,
But you dont care,
You still have that happy flare,
While your friend's have that evil glare,
And I look at them and laugh as they stare,
But who give a f*cking d**n?,
My heart hit the ground with one strong slam,
Now I found someone new,
Someone I love and can call my boo,
And your friend's are mad at me for this,
And just start to hiss and diss,
But I dont give d**n,
I wont let my life go BAM!
She treat's me better then you,
She help's me get through and say's I love you too,
And guess what she does new?,
When she say it she actually true,
I thought true love could never be broken,
I should've thought before I spoken,
You sure as hell proofed me wrong,
Oh by the way, F*CK ALL THOSE LOVE SONG'S!

How is this one?

[Bonaparte]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I love Spectre

-Big Fish, (I forgot the person's name)
7 years, a work in progress.

[fallen_saint]

Death
2005-06-21

It utters no words...
it follows no pattern or belief.
It lurks in the background waiting
for you to inhale your last breath...
It harbors no ill or resentment to you
or those you love...
It appears when it wants and leaves
just as fast with the soul you possesed..

Perhaps you are religious and belief
your soul goes straight to heaven or hades...
but in the back of your mind is a lurking probability
that your body dies there...
Just flesh and bones, that turn into bones...
then nothin....
Nothing...Nothing..Nothing....vacancy of any solid, liquid or gaseous substance...

You are nothing...not a thought...not even a memory...

Death has no regard of who you are or
what you were before....He arrives
silently in the night with no changes in his apperance...
He holds his scythe and his bony hands point in the direction
your soul will follow...
You walk silently as the last pulse beats in your heart
with your family at your side...

You hear nothing of the crying of your mother or father...
Your wife moans and falls to the ground...
Your children see nothing, but suddenly utter a noise of grief and walk away...
Any friends sit there stunned...what happend?

You are dead....to live a life in another world...
or perhaps to cease to exist...

[Xiang Zhuang]

Revive!

Like I said so long ago in my post above, I had mostly given up writing since I joined sims, but in the last 6-7 months I've slowly been getting back into it. Here is basically everything I've done in that time (not a lot, but something, I guess). I'm not looking for any specific feedback, really, but I'll accept any comment given.


<hr>
Here I Am, song lyrics

I am alone
I am the only one
This is my fate

It's not my choice
What I must do
But here I am
Waiting for you

It's not my choice
To feel this way
You and I never made much sense anyway

But here I am
In spite of you
To fight this catastrophe
You brought to silence me

(chorus)
Bring me
A new life
Heal me and make me new
I know
What I must do
It takes the all of me
To not surrender to you
But here I am
Saying goodbye
And I love you
(chorus)

I am alone
In front of you
This is my fate

Here's one last kiss
To seal our love
And I cry at the thought of what I must do

It's not my choice
To feel this way
You and I shouldn't have to end this way

But here I am
In spite of you
To fight the apathy
Building inside of me

[chorus]
[interlude]
[chorus]

I am alone
I am the lonely one
This is my fate

It's not my choice
What I must do
But here I am
Crying for you

It's not my choice
To feel this way
You and I never had a chance anyway

But here I am
And you...
And you are gone

<hr>
Timidity, a poem

Held down too long by the deceit of my hands
Doing everything wrong under shrewd commands
With a spirit of power I gave away
With a spirit of love I hid away
With a spirit of discipline I threw away
With the realization that the enemy is me

Destroying my youth, not trying to find
Some missing truth for my afflicted mind
Passing the days as I lay asleep
Passing the days in fear of my sleep
Passing the days in a walking sleep
Passing on anything that'd set me free

Captive of lust, resigned to wait
Hero with rust, fearing my fate
A parcel of love falls from the sky
A parcel of joy shines hope from the sky
A parcel of peace lifts me to the sky
A parcel of hatred has consumed all I see

Nearing the end of a hopeless road
Bridges will mend and fears will erode
And all I own will fade
And all I see will fade
And all I do will fade
And all that I hoped I would be
Will fade away into eternity

<hr>
Desperation, a poem

I will not stand by and wait
Starving from a hunger so impossible to sate
Wanting something more than I can do
Desperately needing you

My head's been held down for too long
Even though I know that I do not belong
In a world where everything's about me
To break free from my misery

To eat and drink, but never die
Being depressed but never realizing why
Breaking bonds to this catastrophe of mine
Requires something more divine

Hoping for a guide to find my path
To lead away from the gluttony and wrath
The price for folly has been too steep
The bleeding has run too deep

I refuse to live another day
Hoping for anything to take the pain away
There must be more that I can do
Desperately needing you

<hr>
Bound, a poem

Bound to this understanding
Bound to this time and place
You terrorize my insides
You hold me to disgrace

And again and again I feel you
Cold hands squeeze me too tight
And again I've lost my bearings
Life frozen here in night

Never shirked at your presence
Never saw your disguise
Holding this rite of passage
Holding these sacred lies

A little less of me to live with
Holding what you couldn't stain
And again I'm left with nothing
Bound to this haunting pain

<hr>
Tasting Freedom, a poem

Crying, hope for something new
Breaking free from the things I thought I knew
Looking to the skies for life
Looking to my heart for you

Dying, rotting here so long
Setting free my heart with a joyful song
Knowing there's hope in a friend
Knowing to hold back is wrong

Longing, trying to find a way
Almost free from the grip of yesterday
Holding onto dreams I've lost
Holding on to live today

Breathing, lost inside your air
Always free because you were always there
Tasting freedom from myself
Tasting all that I can bear

<hr>
A Broken Bracelet, song lyrics

Memories define my life
Buried, burning in the undergrowth
Absence from thought and time
Leads me away from you

Fictions trespass my mind
Growing, feeding on the undergrowth
Feelings I thought were mine
Tear me away from you

And the tie that binds has been worn
It's amethyst braids are all torn
Its life is splintering; my life is withering, and I find no reason to care anymore

Slave to freedom, disease of my soul
Cruel nothing, I've lost control
Endless yearnings, what can I do
Fatal release, I'm lost from you
Just a broken bracelet to remind me that it's true

Nightmares destroy my hope
Killing, dying from the undergrowth
Despair of thought and mind
Keeps me away from you

And the tie that binds has been worn
It's amethyst braids are all torn
Its heart is splintering; my heart is withering, and I've lost my will to fight anymore

Slave to freedom, disease of my soul
Cruel nothing, I've lost control
Endless yearnings, what can I do
Fatal release, I'm lost from you
Just a broken bracelet to remind me that it's true

This broken bracelet reminds me of you



~ All writings Copyright 2006-2007 by Aaron Van Housen

[Xiang Zhuang]

Self-Righteousness, a poem

All you've ever known was rape
Held me down, but I shall escape
You stole my identity, took my pride
Told me I was screwed up inside
But I shall not abide your lies
I will not be victimized

Labeled with your devil name
But you and I are not the same
I hate your blood that runs through me
Flowing, burning endlessly
But I shall not endure your shame
I will not be put to blame

Bloodied, beaten, left for dead
Your righteousness reared its ugly head
You try again to own our lives
I shall cut you down to size
And I shall not submit this time
I will not worship your kind

Still you tempt me with your praise
But I shall not return your gaze
For when your world comes crashing down
I'll be the one to take your crown
And I shall never call you friend
For I will bring about your end

~ Copyright 2006-2007 by Aaron Van Housen